Bad habits die hard

I still remember those days i used to shoot some pool in a dingy pool parlour near school.A couple of guys who didnt find extra classes worth it decided to invest their time and money on pool.I was one of those guys.We used to talk about all sorts of things while playing pool.It was there that I had seen these guys...they were my age then, say 15-16.I had thought to myself and then told my friends that i would never smoke a cigarette.Man was I WRONG!!!!!
Its been 5 years now, and 4 years since i lit my first cigarette.I have to clue to why i started smoking.I have this belief that there is a reason for everything.I just cant figure out why I started smoking.hmmm.......I still cant figure out why??!!
Let me look back a few years ago,i'm sure ill be able to fish out something.
It started during my vacations, dad used to keep cigarettes for his friends in a mug.I had somehow laid my hands on it while searching for something i cant remember.Mom and dad were hard workers so were'nt at home most of the time.Home alone i decided to light a cigarette,just for kicks!Didnt do it right the first time,but something in my mind told me that it felt good!!!
I have to fukin clue how something so dangerous can make someone feel good.
probably this is Gods way of telling us that sometimes the best of things arent really meant to be that way!
It because of me that my 2 cousin brothers both elder to me,that they too started smoking.
Not that its somethig to be proud of but i cant believe that i not only screwed myself but i screwed up theirs as well.Well,come to think of it,they say that "It's all in the mind".
Its fukin brilliant!!!Its so so true, every single thought,idea,doing..... all arises in the mind first and if you really want to do something,and you have that in your mind first,then surely you'll be able to accomplish that!
Therefore I would like to prove to myself that I'm not guilty of my cousins still smoking.the reason being they wanted to continue even after i introduced them to it.
I would say that im a big jerk too to still smoke!!!
I've tried to quit twice,atleast ive thought of quitting a million times.It just didnt work out!
"Quit" here is an inappropriate word.It was more like a break i had taken from smoking.
I feel that if you want to stop doing something like for example smoking.Then your smoking should impact your life in such a way that you will never smoke another cigarette again.
I guess thats how my dad got rid of his smoking habit.There was no one at home that day, mom had left to work at her usual wee hour of the day and my dad had just got back from his game of badminton complaining of chest pain.He wanted to go the hospital to check out his pain.I did the needful and then i heard the unexpected.I rushed to the phone and called up my mom in a jiffy.
I could hear her voice break down and could see those tears roll down her cheeks, I wasnt in front of her but i could very well see them.the next people i called were my moms brother and father and mother,they came immediately and then it was time to transfer my dad to another hospital, this time by ambulance.I was there,I was right next to him when the paramedics told him thats its because of smoking and drinking that youve got a heart attack.
I couldnt belive that i was actually there,sitting next to my dad in that ambulance with the siren going on and off,traffic at its peak,police men whistling to cars and bikes ordering them to make way for the ambulance,college students gaping, its was pandemonium for me.I just couldnt open my mouth and reassure my dad that his life would still go on for many more years.
Now he's back from the USA,lost a lot of weight,exercises alot, works hard and eats healthy!
In the end we all learn things the hard way!